Ben Bostick

Well howdy, y’all
Did you miss me
Go on and say I told you so
Yeah now I know the straight life is a no go
I was wrong
I tried to get domesticated
But yesterday I finally couldn't take it
And I was gone

I probably shoulda told my wife
But the minute I saw the light

I just dug out my boots and threw out the fanny pack
Sold the van and got my old Harley back
Cranked up the bike and flew out the cul-de-sac
Straight to the nearest bar
I put AC/DC on the jukebox, Back in Black
Got so drunk I was singing like a maniac
Smoked so much I 'bout had a heart attack
So it’s a fact
The rascal is back

It got bad
I ain't gonna lie
I dressed up in a suit and tie
Pulled out the driveway seven forty-five
Yeah, in the morning
She started having baby fever
She made me trade my Harley for a Kia
Oh, help me Lord

I saw my reflection in the minivan
And thought this ain't who I am

So I dug out my boots and threw out the fanny pack
Sold the van and got my old Harley back
Cranked up the bike and flew out the cul-de-sac
Straight to the nearest bar
I put AC/DC on the jukebox, Back in Black
Got so drunk I was singing like a maniac
Smoked so much I 'bout had a heart attack
I woke up in someone's yard
The rascal is back

It crossed my mind that I'm a fool
For leaving all I had
But then I think about a beer
And boy I sure am glad

That I dug out my boots and threw out the fanny pack
Sold the van and got my old Harley back
Cranked up the bike and flew out the cul-de-sac
AC/DC on the jukebox, Back in Black
Got so drunk I was singing like a maniac
Smoked so much I 'bout had a heart attack
So hang onto your hats
The rascal is back

Met a woman, got engaged
Time passed, wedding day
Then my feet turned cold at the tone of those wedding bells
Felt bad everybody got dressed up, but I knew I’d messed up
So had to ‘fess up that all I really wanted was just to get drunk as hell
So I jilted that poor woman and I got drunk as hell

I’m talking ‘bout hellfire
Hellfire
Hellfire, that’s where I’m bound

Feeling sinful, needing grace
Sunday morning, knew the place
So I stumbled into church and set down for a spell
Few minutes in felt free of sin, so I polished off my bottle of bathtub gin
And got stinking, dirty, awful drunk as hell
Yeah right there in the back pew I got drunk as hell

I’m talking ‘bout hellfire
Hellfire
Hellfire, that’s where I’m bound

My drinking buddy passed away
Lightweight, couldn’t hang
So I filled my flask and went to say farewell
I stood in the back, dressed in black, tearing up and turning up
Getting lit up, good god awful greasy drunk as hell
I cried, I’m coming for you, buddy, that’s where I’m bound!

I’m talking ‘bout hellfire
Hellfire
Hellfire, that’s where I’m bound

If I had a car, we’d drive down to the ocean
You’d call it el mar, and we’d lay out in the sand
And if the sun was shining, I’d cover you with lotion
Talk about the fine things and forget the second hand

Oh Maria, dance a little closer
Close your eyes and don’t say anything
Don’t believe the sirens on Figueroa
Just listen to Carmelita sing, Las Mananitas sweet Maria

And if I had a plane, we’d fly to Costa Rica
Land atop a mountain and look down on the world
I’d learn to speak Spanish, we’d eat comida rica
And everything would vanish that we didn’t want in our world

Oh Maria, dance a little closer
Close your eyes and don’t say anything
Don’t believe the sirens on Figueroa
Just listen to Carmelita sing, Las Mananitas sweet Maria

And if I wasn’t me, I wouldn’t blow my money
On cocaine mariachi, and we could do all that kind of stuff
And maybe I’d never worry that you weren’t gonna love me
That I’d wake up and find you burned me 'cuz I didn’t have enough for you

Maria, dance a little closer
Close your eyes and don’t say anything
Don’t believe the sirens on Figueroa
Just listen to Carmelita sing, Las Mananitas

Sweet Maria

They call me the juggler 'cuz I always have three lovers
Man, I burn through Trojan rubbers like no other
But when I’m not between the sheets I’m busy staying undercover
Ain’t as sweet as it seems being the juggler

'Cuz Edith likes eating at East of Eden
Where Wendy works on Wednesday evenings
And Donna Lee does her laundry two doors down
So when I’m out to eat with Edith
I’m always worried Wendy’s watching
And equally that Donna Lee is gonna be around
What’s worse is Wendy lives by the Wally World
Where Donna Lee goes to the pharmacy
And Edith’s ex-old man is employed there
So I choose to keep a low profile
Sneak around like it’s going out of style
And try to keep these balls up in the air

They call me the juggler 'cuz I always have three lovers
Sometimes I wish I had me a twin brother
Because it takes a lot of steam making all that hubba hubba
Ain’t as sweet as it seems being the juggler

I had three more the month before
Tanya, Tina, and Isadora
But that all ended in a puddle of tears and blood
I had Tanya down for ten to noon
And Tina turn’d up around one or two
And Izzy’d use me all night like a stud
But one day Tanya showed up a little late
And Tina turned up a lotta early
So fists were flying till Izzy came that night
I’m pretty sure Isadora’s the one that threw me on the floor
While Tanya and Tina punched and kicked and swore
And long story short I lost the fight

They call me the juggler 'cuz I always have three lovers
They come and go but there’s always another
I guess I can’t be pleased by just one lady’s comfort
Ain’t as sweet as it seems being the juggler

Maybe someday I’ll quit this fooling round
And find someone to make me settle down
But I’d hate to be the one to make her suffer
'Cuz one of them days we’d go to town
And one of my friends would flag us down
And say, You know why everybody calls him the juggler
And I’d have to explain

That they call me the juggler 'cuz I always have three lovers
Man, I burn through Trojan rubbers like no other
But when I’m not between the sheets I’m busy staying undercover
Ain’t as sweet as it seems being the juggler

Absolutely Emily
I’ll come back when you call on me
The days are getting shorter
But I’ll be back before long
I promise, Emily

Do you miss me, Emily?
I spend the night with you in my dreams
The days are getting colder
But we’ll be warm before long
I promise, Emily

Please forgive me, Emily
I have to stay just one more week
To make some extra money
But I’ll spend it all on you
I promise, Emily

I did something, Emily
Can you come post the bail for me
I’ve got a little money saved
So don’t you worry, babe
I promise, Emily

And pack your bag up, Emily
I know a place that’s far away
We’ll live high on a hilltop
And we’ll never go to town
I promise, Emily

Growing up I was a weird kid
Seemed no matter what I ever did
All the normal guys would never quit
Poking fun at me

Mama tried to make me regular
She said the Lord above was testing her
As I grew more and more peculiar
Unashamedly

When people say that I'm a strange duck
I tell 'em maybe so but so what
Sure I'm a little different from you
But I don't really see the issue
So don't go frittering away your sympathy
Ain't nothing wrong with me
I consider it good luck that I was born a strange duck

If someone tries to make a wisecrack
It don't matter, I don't give a quack
Rolls off me like water off a duck’s back
Whatcha think about that

When people say that I'm a strange duck
I tell 'em maybe so but so what
Sure I'm a little different from you
But I don't really see the issue
So don't go frittering away your sympathy
Ain't nothing wrong with me
I consider it good luck that I was born a strange duck

A strange duck needs a strange pond
I know one out on 441
You can have yourself a strange brew
And just do whatcha wanna do
Do whatcha wanna do
Whatcha whatcha whatcha wanna do

people say that I’m a strange duck
I tell 'em maybe so but so what?
Sure I’m a little different from you
But I don’t really see the issue
So don’t go frittering away your sympathy
Ain’t nothing wrong with me
I consider it good luck that I was born a strange duck

It was a hazy day downtown LA
When I met her on an elevator on its way
Up to the hotel room of my fiance
But I never made it there 'cuz she come

Tearing through my life like a tornado
Coming on hotter than a baked potato
She spin me round then see ya later
Wanna hate her but I love her instead

We caught the red-eye to Dubai
She was blowing through my dough like it’s going out of style
In general I’s a sensible guy
But that guy died when she come

Tearing through my life like a tornado
Coming on hotter than a baked potato
She spin me round then a see ya later
Wanna hate her but I love her instead

I lost my job and all of my money
Most of my friends and half of my mind
I’m so messed up it’s a little funny
Man, I thought for sure that she was mine

But now I’m alone just trying to get right
Picking up the pieces of my busted life
If she walked into this room tonight
I’d say, baby won’t you come

Tearing through my life like a tornado
Coming on hotter than a baked potato
Just spin me round then see ya later
Wanna hate her but I love her instead

This is my country, my damn country
Gimme my country, you can keep the rest
This is my country, my damn country
And it don’t mean a thing if it don’t pass the test
If you ain’t never cheated or been cheated on
Then take off your boots, you rhinestone fraud

Gimme cheating, drinking, and outlaw songs
Hard times, foolish pride, done me wrong
Flirting with the devil, get right with the man
Amen, pain songs, one night stands
You can keep your picket fence fantasies
And put a cork in your high school memories

This is my country, my damn country
Gimme my country, you can keep the rest
This is my country, my damn country
And it don’t mean a thing if it don’t pass the test
If you ain’t never spent a single night in jail
Then get another job and I’ll see you in hell

I’m drawn like a moth to the neon lights
I need a bucket of beer and someone to fight
Don’t call yourself country if your music is shitty
Or this Carolina boy’ll take you down to Fist City
You know who you are, I ain’t gonna name names
Just keep your hands off my country and go back from where ya came

My country, my damn country
Gimme my country, you can keep the rest
This is my country, my damn country
And it don’t mean a thing if it don’t pass the test
If you ain’t never done something you regret
Well, then I’m proud of ya, now git

Get that pussified, polished, pop song piece of
Glorified nursery rhyme outta my face
Wintertime, springtime, summertime, autumn
Show me to the jukebox and Yoakam if you got ‘em
I want country like Johnny, country like Merle
Country like Loretta, that honky tonk girl
Country like Townes, country like Travis
I’m a country-fried junkie with a bad habit
Country like Kris, country like Gretchen
If you ain’t cooking country then get out of the kitchen

I want country like Hank one, two, and three
Dropping like peaches from the family tree
Country like women, whiskey, and wheels
Yeah I know if it’s country cuz I know how it feels
Country like Waylon, country like Willie
Country like lightning in a hillbilly

This is my country, my damn country
Gimme my country, you can keep the rest
This is my country, my damn country
And it don’t mean a thing if it don’t pass the test
If you can’t sing along to Tear in my Beer
Then don’t forget your coat and get the f*** out here

I’m going down to Georgia, the place my folks call home
Then on to Carolina, the place where I was born
Good morning Music City, I’ve got a song for you
Good God Almighty Lord I’ve paid my dues

Good God I’ve paid my dues from Mississippi onto Alabama
From Louisiana onto Texarkana
I’m getting a little too good, Lord, at singing these old blues
Good God Almighty Lord I’ve paid my dues

That Motel 6 in Austin has really gone downhill
But not as bad as my back seat, where I stayed in Amarillo
Not much further to California, just a couple one night stands
'Till I’m wrapped up in my baby’s arms again

Good God I’ve paid my dues from Albuquerque onto Arizona
From Boulder City up to Idaho
I’m getting a little too good, Lord, at singing these old blues
Good God Almighty Lord I’ve paid my dues

God I’ve paid my dues from Ensenada up to Washington
Hell, I ain’t saying I ain’t had some fun
But I’m getting a little too good, Lord, at singing these old blues
Good God Almighty Lord I’ve paid my dues

In this dark night it’s too hard for me to say
If the rays of hope will shine again someday
And if I might be spared as the tempest starts to swell
At this point it’s just too dark to tell

Was the stars guided me to God’s shores
Was the devil set me drifting once more
Will these clouds ever lift and the map again reveal
At this point it’s just too dark to tell

If these green eyed blues would lighten up
If my nature would shake this wicked spell
If this midnight sky would brighten up
If my ears could hear a voice saying all will be well
Then all is well, all is well

I once was found, but now again I’m lost
On merciless waves I am tossed
I would tell you of His grace, and how it was I fell
But some tales are just too dark to tell

If these green eyed blues would lighten up
If my nature would shake this wicked spell
If this midnight sky would brighten up
If my ears could hear a voice saying all will be well
Then all is well, all is well

I once was found, but now again I’m lost
On merciless waves I am tossed
I would tell you of His grace, and how it was I fell
But some tales are just too dark to tell

I got a job in the valley but today I didn’t go
I need a day off but the boss said hell no
I’m gonna get drunk and smoke three packs of Marlboros
And part of me thinks I ain’t never gonna make it back home

I got a wife at the house, but she got no love for me
Plopped on the couch on her phone watching TV
The woman I married wasn’t nearly so goddam mean
And she didn’t suck down so many benzodiazepines

I’m gonna go to the bank and cash out my account
Drive straight to the tavern and drink a disgusting amount
Spin my pistol and baby you better watch out
'Cuz wherever it points I’m coming to your town

I had a job in the valley, but I doubt I do anymore
I took a day off and then I took four more
Been drunk since I left and chain-smoking Marlboros
And part of me thinks I ain’t never gonna make it back home

I wrote this song for all my no good friends
Who’s just getting by, just like me

Leaving the bar, my breath’s as hard as regular gasoline
Fire up a bone while I’m swerving home, blowing smoke like a Model T
Wake up to a cup as black as tar, go to work and get beat like a mule
I’m just as empty as I am poor, so I’m running on fuel

I’m running on fuel, it’s all I can do
To get up and make it through
Coffee in the morning, whiskey in the evening
Cigarettes all day long
I’m running low on faith and lower on pride
I’m out of love, but I still gotta drive
I feel like a fool, but it’s all I can do I’m running on fuel

I ain’t lazy, and I ain’t no martyr, I ain’t leaning on Uncle Sam
I just drink coffee like crazy, whiskey like water, and smoke like a power plant

I’m running on fuel, it’s all I can do
To get up and make it through
Coffee in the morning, whiskey in the evening
Cigarettes all day long
I’m running low on faith and lower on pride
I’m out of love, but I still gotta drive
I feel like a fool, but it’s all I can do I’m running on fuel

Sometimes getting by seems harder than dying
But something in a man just makes him keep on trying

Ain’t got no wife, ain’t got no kids that I know of, it’s hard enough as it is
To work all day then make it to that barstool, I’m running on fuel

I’m running on fuel, it’s all I can do
To get up and make it through
Coffee in the morning, whiskey in the evening
Cigarettes all day long
I’m running low on faith and lower on pride
I’m out of love, but I still gotta drive
I feel like a fool, but it’s all I can do I’m running on fuel

I did my chores and made my bed because I’s supposed to
Cleaned my room, obeyed my dad because I’s supposed to
I raised my hand and waited my turn because I’s supposed to
Everything they taught I learned because I’s supposed to
I finished school at the age of eighteen because I’s supposed to
I kept on and got a college degree because I’s supposed to
Got a job, work it nine to five because I’s supposed to
Bought a ring and got me a wife because I’s supposed to
And what the hell’s all of this supposed to ever done for me?

I didn’t sleep a wink last night
Work’s drying up and money’s tight
Though I followed this old script line by line
The sure thing was a lousy bet
There’s holes all in my safety net
And it’s a goddam lie when I say I’m doing fine
Didn’t think this was what I’s supposed to get
By doing everything that I’s supposed to

I don’t stay out late and I hardly drink because I's supposed to
No more Kool Filter Kings because I's supposed to
I put money in the IRA because I's supposed to
I pledge allegiance to the USA because I's supposed to
I keep up with the local team because I's supposed to
Laugh at my childhood dreams because I's supposed to
I never eat before saying grace because I's supposed to
Go to church every seven days because I's supposed to
And what the hell’s all of this supposed to ever done for me

I didn’t sleep a wink last night
Work’s drying up and money’s tight
Though I followed this old script line by line
The sure thing was a lousy bet
There’s holes all in my safety net
And it’s a goddam lie when I say I’m doing fine
Didn’t think this was what I’s supposed to get
By doing everything that I’s supposed to

I button up and stay clean cut
Try to eat good and watch my gut
Clean behind my ears and between my toes
And always keep up with the goddam Jones
The sure thing was a lousy bet
There’s holes all in my safety net
And it’s a goddam lie when I say I’m doing fine
Didn’t think this was what I’s supposed to get
By doing everything that I’s supposed to

Cleaned out my desk at work yesterday
I haven’t told Caroline, don’t know what to say
So I get dressed up in my shirt and tie
She fixes me a lunch and kisses me goodbye

And I drive around, but I’m going nowhere
Down county two lanes that lead nowhere
Through endless fields of Bermuda grass
Just spinning my wheels and wasting gas

It’s two weeks now since they let me go
Still telling lies when I come home
When we go to bed she reaches for me
I turn my back, pretend that I’m asleep

And I drive around, but I’m going nowhere
Down county two lanes that lead nowhere
Through endless fields of Bermuda grass
Just spinning my wheels and wasting gas

A month gone by now, and I think she knows
Cuz when I get dressed and ready to go
She fixes me lunch and kisses me goodbye
Trying to hide the tears in her eyes

Sometimes I find myself down on Hilton Head
Among the mansions, where Emily lives
I think about us seventeen years old
As I see her looking pretty through her window

Alarm goes off at a quarter to five, roll outta bed, rub the sleep from my eyes
Throw on a shirt and some jeans and my boots and then it’s time
To make that morning drive
Work all day 'till I’m totally beat, get back home and fall right to sleep
Alarm goes off in the morning and the cycle’s complete
Work, sleep, repeat

Work, sleep, work, sleep, that’s all I ever do anymore
Somewhere up the line I forgot what I was working for
There goes life, looks like it ain’t slowing down for me
All I ever do is work, sleep, repeat

Seems like yesterday I was seventeen, running bootlegs and draws and screens
Now I’m running up debt and I’m scrambling to make ends meet
So work, sleep, repeat

Work, sleep, work, sleep, that’s all I ever do anymore
Somewhere up the line I forgot what I was working for
There goes life, looks like it ain’t slowing down for me
All I ever do is work, sleep, repeat

Sometimes at work I just sit around and fantasize
'Bout how I can save myself from dying in this working life

But that alarm goes off again at 4:45, roll outta bed, rub the sleep from my eyes
Throw on a shirt and some jeans and my boots and then it’s time
To make that morning drive

Work, sleep, work, sleep, that’s all I ever do anymore
Somewhere up the line I forgot what I was working for
There goes life, looks like it ain’t slowing down for me
All I ever do is work, sleep, repeat

I know it’s been awhile since we’ve kissed or even since I’ve seen you
And once again we went too long without talking
So I hope I didn’t disturb you, but it’s Sunday and I’m lonely
And I know 7:15’s too early to be calling

But this ain’t gonna take long, I’ll let you fall back asleep soon
I was hoping maybe you could ease my worried mind
Now there ain’t no damn way I can love someone else like I loved you
And I know that it might be a long time

But could you wait for me
And stay true for me
Save your lips for me
Sleep alone for me
Could you wait for me

You told me on multiple occasions
You weren’t gonna love no one like you loved me
We’ll never be that innocent again
I gave you everything I had 'till I didn’t have myself
I lost myself in you and I’d do it all over again

And I will wait for you
And stay true for you
Save my lips for you
Sleep alone for you
Yes, I will wait for you

Now it won’t be too long 'till I’m coming back to visit
But it could be a year 'till I’m back for good
So I’m asking you a question, but if you don’t wanna, then don’t tell me
But if the answer’s yes, I really wish you would

Can you wait for me
And stay true for me
Save your lips for me
Sleep alone for me
'Cuz I will wait for you
And be good for you
Save my heart for you
Buy a ring for you
Yes I will wait for you
If you wait for me
I will wait for you
If you wait for me

I’m heading south on Highway 25
And I’m going just as fast as I can drive

Adios to the USA
I’ll see you again someday
But tonight I’ve got a better place to be

Tonight I’ll be staying on the coast of Mexico
In a little tent out on the beach down as far as I can go
With a button of peyote or a little bit of Mexican snow
Oh Mexico

Dame miss mezcal, I got things I wanna see
And I’m stuck here now, because I threw away my keys

So come on, senorita
Come on and baile conmigo
'Cuz tonight I ain’t going anywhere

Tonight I’ll be staying on the coast of Mexico
In a little tent out on the beach down as far as I can go
With a button of peyote or a little bit of Mexican snow
Oh Mexico

I’m running down that devil
From the valley to sea level
And tonight she’ll be staying here with me

Tonight I’ll be staying on the coast of Mexico
In a little tent out on the beach down as far as I can go
With a button of peyote or a little bit of Mexican blow
Oh Mexico

Working a job that I can’t stand
For less than I’m worth, but all that I can command
Boss looking for a volunteer to stay on late tonight
I can’t wait to leave, but I need the overtime

I take every shift I can cuz I’m in deep
Been falling behind since the Chevrolet went dead
I built her back up myself, but parts ain’t cheap
I just can’t seem to get ahead

They say if you work hard, there’s some ladder you’ll climb
But I’m not convinced there’s any ladder to find
Burying my dreams, drowning in debt
I just can’t seem to get ahead

I don’t desire any fancy things
Riches and wealth and the bitterness they breed
But it’d be nice to take my baby out to dinner now and then
Or buy her some roses just for no reason

When I get home tonight she’ll be asleep in bed
Ten years older than the day we were wed
Things didn’t turn out how I promised they would be
Oh I just can’t seem to get ahead

They say if you work hard, there’s some ladder you’ll climb
But I’m not convinced there’s any ladder to find
Burying my dreams, drowning in debt
I just can’t seem to get ahead