Jill & Tony

Most of the words I write I never send
And they add up to a box full of letters
Most of the notes to myself say 'Carry on
Well note to self: just forget it'

In my short life, I’ve drawn a lot of short straws
I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons
From hospital beds and
Back booths of bars I was too young to be in
Chasing a feeling
Or numbness

If it’s all a game, I guess I’m losing
If it’s one big joke then I’m a fool
If it’s all a test, I think I’m failing
But what can I do

The pictures I took that summer have gone missing
But there's one I held on to somehow
So I had it inked it to a place a little less revealing
Than the scars I still carry around

There’s a hole in the roof letting the rain in
A crack in the window with the whistling wind
A voice in the static like an alien language

There’s an ocean below white waves crashing
I can almost see shark fins flashing
And if they smell blood they’ll want to eat you alive

Though it’s been a pretty good ride
We’re going down this time

And I need a soft place to land
We’re tumbling out of the sky
I need a soft place to land

I’ve never been much for saving money
Grown used to going home passing passed out junking
And the people next door keep going in and out

I can feel time slipping away
And speeding up every day
And I’m waiting for something to break

But all that broke was me this time
Nearly gone out of my mind

I need a soft place to land
Mumbling to myself
I need a soft place to land

There’s a song playing across the street
Like someone turned it on just to mess with me
Different city, same ghost

It used to be one I liked
Now it’s just picking fights

I know I'm lucky you're here, within arm's reach
Considering the things you hear, about that coyote and me

I wish I could douse those days, in a petrol blaze
I know it's not enough, just to hear me say

But I could talk till the sun comes up
And my gums begin to bleed
My feet could dance like a drunken fool
Until they break a cobbled street, till you tell me

I'm real enough for you now
Real enough for you now
I’ll going to find a way, to hear you say
I’m real enough for you now

Well all of my tricks, they are lost on you
Where others would find kicks, you're not fooled

I've learned the best ones aren't available long
Like the 4th of July will excite and then so quickly it’s gone

So I will build you a pillow from my tattered clothes
And a jacket from my shed skin
Craft a necklace from my rib cage
And a collarbone violin, so you tell me

Lady, I feel I’m going nowhere
Lately, it’s harder to stay sober
When all I want
And all I need, is you

Tomorrow if I see you at the show dear
Then you'd know, the look of true fear
In my eyes
If words don't materialize

I pinned that luck
Up on falling stars
Set that love
Up in totaled cars
Next time, next time I'll get it right

Remember, last December
I braved through, the wildest weather
Just so we could finally
Be alone

Now left to, my own devices
I cling to, the worst of vices
All in search
Of some kind, of home

Tell myself
It doesn't matter any more
I was just some kid
Picking candy off the floor
Next time, next time I'll get it right

I’ve got love in the key of d minor
That never stays in tune
Unorthodox as a drunken fighter
Swinging at a purple moon

Some things are born to disappear
Though you thought they were meant to be
Just as true as I’m sitting right here
I can feel you leaving me

Though I know, I know
It’s a tired line
I know, you should know
I think about you all the time

But now you’re gone gone girl, you’re all gone
Gone for good this time
Gone gone girl, you’re all gone
The bells the church the cake the choir
Added to the funeral pyre
Chalk me up to practice fire

Funny how some days
I won’t think of that name
The next its echoing like gunfire
Bouncing off a frozen lake

Some limbs get cut in half
They'll eventually grow back
When you're not always under attack
It's easier to survive

Yes the silver lining
In this fantasy
Is that I'm closer to finding
Something that's good for me

So quick to move on
Even your family is wondering what the hell is going on
But I realize
That problem is not mine

The bells the church the cake the choir
Added to the funeral pyre
Chalk it up to practice fire

I end each night waiting for the crowd
To clear the room before I’m free to call
Wondering if I still look like me
In your plans or just your memory

The start of something real
Getting crushed beneath the wheels
And falling apart, hey hey
Falling apart, hey hey

As you left, you told me it’s a breeze
To be apart for six or sixteen weeks
That I’d be fine and that we’d stay in touch
But when you reach me now we’re not saying much

Full steam ahead for your big break
While I'm drowning in the wake
And falling apart, hey hey
Falling apart, hey hey

If you’re going to break some news
Please just let me down slow
What am I to you
Do I even want to know

This is not the best side of me
Wait awhile, see how it's supposed to be

I just wanted to say
I hope you're doing okay
I'm falling apart, hey hey
Falling apart, hey hey